[For additional postings on Tourette’s, please click the “Categories – Tourette’s link on the sidebar.]
I’ve been told to be careful what I put in writing. I’ve also been told to express myself in writing. Quite a dilemma, don’t you think?
I’m going to put a bit of my testimony here about my son’s Tourette’s Syndrome. On Sunday, December 7th, Hallmark Hall of Fame will feature the movie Front of the Class – the story of Brad Cohen and his life with Tourette’s. I haven’t seen it, but for those who are curious about Tourette’s, I’ve heard it is a good presentation.
As I mentioned, my son has Tourette’s. As a dad, I love him. I don’t think it would be possible to be more proud of his character and the way he handles himself. I’m not always proud of myself though.
Two months ago, I shared a message at a church in North Carolina. Perhaps I was a bit too honest, but it was what I felt led to share. I’m going to post the applicable portion of the message below. (NOTE – this is as written, not as spoken. I usually write out my thoughts and then speak as led.)
Anyway – I hope in some way these words can be an encouragement to you in your walk. May God strengthen you each and every day for life in this fallen world.
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When I accepted Christ, I started reading the Word. I began to get more involved in small groups and Bible studies. The Holy Spirit began to open my eyes to this incredible Gift we have been given in the Bible and my relationship with Christ deepened tremendously.
Not wanting a serious relationship, I went on a blind date arranged by a friend. This friend knew that neither I nor the young lady were looking for a serious relationship. Of course, a few years later, we walked down the aisle and were married. We now have two children – a son and a daughter.
Life has been a blessing. There have been ups. I have a wonderful wife and great children. After leaving a job on staff at a church, I joined LRMtwelve years ago. It is a wonderful ministry and I am blessed through it. There have been downs. One of the deepest came when my daughter was a toddler. Shockingly, my bride was diagnosed with a tumor in her spine. But praise God – it was removed and she’s had no other reoccurrence.
But Psalm 13 has been my song lately:
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
As we see in verse 3, King David was sick – almost to the point of death. By the tone of the Psalm, I think that he must have been crying out to God for some time – or at least it felt like it.
He begins the Psalm by wondering why God has forgotten him. He is wrestling with his thoughts and has sorrow in his heart every day. His enemies believe he will die and they have triumphed over him.
The depths of David’s heart-wrenching anguish were tremendous. This has been my song.
In December of 2006, my son – my smart, wonderful, athletic, downright incredible son – was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome. If you are not familiar with Tourette’s, it is a neurological disorder that manifests itself in “tics.” These tics can be verbal outbursts that can be minor squeaks to loud yells. They can also be physical twitches or violent movements.
Until about July of 2008, his Tourette’s was very mild. Outside of our family, only a few close friends of his had any idea. However, it progresses with puberty and he could no longer hide it. In fact, he was now hitting himself so hard in the chest he was causing bruises.
Dad stopped handling it very well.
In fact, I became extremely angry at God. I felt abandoned. You see, I can handle a lot when the arrows start flying. Personal persecution? I don’t like it, but I can deal with it. Physical pain? I don’t like it, but I can deal with it.
But my kids? The words “That’s not fair” have crossed my mind and lips more time than I care to admit. I’ve talked to my pastor. I’ve talked to Christian friends and counselors. I’ve gotten advice that, to be frank, stunk. I have simply gotten more and more upset with God. But, like Job’s friends, I’ve had some good friends who were willing just to sit with me for a bit.
Things really changed one morning as I was getting ready to go to work – wondering if I should even bother going to work – when I started raging at God. I don’t use that word lightly. I was incredibly mad and yelling at God in my mind. I’m ashamed to say it, but as I thought of my “faithfulness,” my “goodness” and the “sacrifices” I thought, “God, if I have done all this for you, and this is happening to my son, what good are you? What good are you God?”
Now, I don’t know how you feel about voices in your head, but I am not a big fan. But, as I stood there, furious and angry with God, a gentle whisper spoke in my mind five simple words:
“I have a Son too.”
To say I was surprised isn’t adequate. I was shocked. In fact, I was almost crushed by the weight of the words. It was only a whisper – but it was a whisper of love, of gentleness, of hope. I’ll never forget it. “I have a Son too.”
It broke me.
I knew what God was trying to say to me. I was reminded of what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross two thousand years ago. I was convicted of my own pride. I was pushed back to a place of shame at my arrogance. I don’t deserve anything. God – our wonderful, sovereign, creative, majestic, all-powerful God – has a plan and a purpose for all things.
Two weeks later, I sat next to my son holding back tears as he spoke with two of the elders of my church. As he talked to them, he shared how his Tourette’s has led him to understand his need for Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. He told them how he is praying more and trusting in God for things.
His faith, his testimony has been a source of strength to his father.
And that is how David ends this Psalm. Verses 5 & 6 proclaim:
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
Although I’m still struggling with life, I’m not struggling with God as much. Day by day, I’m putting my trust in Him more and more.
God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.
Even when we don’t understand…
This is the new song I am singing.
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